We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 27. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I enjoy every minute of it. 202. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness 4. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 30. Snowballs. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Benjamin Franklin. - Catherine Pulsifer. 163. I release all shame about my body. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I did not trip and fall. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. I see the funny side of life more and more. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Ive been doing nothing for years. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. - Kyle Chandler. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. My mistakes dont define me. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 199. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. 87. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. - George Burns. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 18. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 97. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 239. 93. Hi! I am lazy till I get a motive. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. I love living in my unique female body. 3. - Jack London. The only power you have is the word no. My cankles will hold me. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 49. 176. 42. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 144. 2. Bill Murray. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Learn sign language, its very handy. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Walter Bagehot Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Sincerely, yourself. I'm having a staff meeting.". And a funny bone., 10. 4. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. In the morning, I cant get up. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I love my body. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Bill Murray. Need to send some positive energy your way? I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Steven Wright Your words become your actions. But it'll move up again.". 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade 19. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Is it perfect? Have a look! 169. Who cares about the future? 27. 124. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I always find something funny in every situation. 67. I am full of vitality. When they go away, its a brighter day. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 88. 54. 183. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 2. 210. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 90. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Take a look! 145. Albert King. 146. 87. 78. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 131. 1. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 1. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Socrates. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Send me the link. Steven Alexander Wright I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I breathe in and out. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. - Benjamin Franklin. What is Mozart doing right now? 36. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration 156. Flip Wilson I tried, but they wanted cash. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 188. Cindy from Marzahn. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 75. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I make the right choices every time. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 82. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Honolulu, its got everything. Enjoy! Go to bed with satisfaction.". Sam Levenson I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 174. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 49. 189. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 99. You wanna know who Im in love with? 59. Erma Bombeck. 91. I dont suffer from insanity. 153. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Your life is your message to the world. 89. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. I am grateful for all that I have. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". 7. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Really? I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Snowballs. 118. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 192. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! It doesnt work if it is not open. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. 171. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 4. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. 223. Albert Einstein, 190. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 5. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 126. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Robert Bloch. 105. Leave me a if you agree! 81. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle Can February march? It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. 1. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. grateful. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 224. 1. 19. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Paul Ehrlich, 241. Life begins on Friday night. ~ Bill Gates. 7. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. 110. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 240. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 229. With time, I have started to value more time. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. 98. 266. 85. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Sam Levenson I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 6. 150. Because it was soda pressing. 229. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 211. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 1. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. P.D. 182. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 62. Because seven ate nine. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. I never apologize. 8. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. I am quite fascinating. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 166. 129. - Jeffrey Gitomer. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 9. 21. The only power you have is the word no. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Short Funny Quotes. I am intelligent. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 62. 162. You can only be young once. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I am grateful for that time. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 21. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 167. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 47. Alright, get in the basket.. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Czech proverb, 261. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. All you need is love. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 100. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 262. Frances McDormand, 42. 77. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 268. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Raimonda.B. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember 174. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 2. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Rodney Dangerfield. My mood swings keep life interesting. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 203. A gummy bear. 138. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Chris Rock IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 41. 18. 111. Its called tomorrow. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 38. 200. 225. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 5. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human 187. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Ann Landers, 244. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? "Disconnect to connect.". Albert King Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 245. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 155. 60. 206. But then again so does . A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Its a door, thats how they work. 58. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 15. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I breathe in and out. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. So far, so good. 143. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 8. 68. Best friends eat your food. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. When life closes a door, just open it again. I intend to live forever. What do I do for a living? 266. 80. Roy Lichtenstein 56. 20. 3. 29. 48. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Thank God Im an atheist. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Sometimes the M is silent. 278. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Steven Wright, 252. 241. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. 264. 207. 105. Alison Boulter 279. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 206. Charles M. Schulz. I accept my body the way it is today. - Bette Midler. In between, I am alive. 119. 232. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Live life to the fullest. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. - TS Eliot. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 112. 231. 24. 236. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. And a funny bone. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 52. Let me know in the comments section down below! No No NOYes. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Socrates. We all need a little energy boost here and there. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 97. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 48. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 74. I enjoy every minute of it. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. 20. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". 8. Czech proverb Batwoman: single. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. A gummy bear. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. I didnt want to interrupt her. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 14. 5. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. 107. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. We frequently doubt ourselves. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. At night, I cant fall asleep. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 115. Envelope. 2. 24. 112. 235. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Albert Einstein. Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 234. Henny Youngman My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Microchips. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Bill Murray, 260. 274. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Ensure that your actions match your words. 44. A backbone. Send me the link. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. It just plain forms. 194. Today, I look at my goals. 92. Mind blown! Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. 6. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] 164. Build a bridge. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 220. New year, new me. The library, because it has so many stories. 84. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I thought you said extra fries. - Unkmown. 230. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 40. 1. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Good morning! My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Im gonna be worse., 12. 45. 66. 250. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Don't forget to be awesome. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. 228. 15. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. East. 277. My body deserves love. Make it inspiring. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Sam Levenson. 115. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Your values become your destiny. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 28. What do I do for a living? Positive mindset affirmations. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 53. 161. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 23. 166. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 198. 74. You never run out of things that can go wrong. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I have a lot to offer. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 126. Confidence makes me powerful. 232. - Unknown. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 40. 8. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. I am positive. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. 123. Be Funny Positive Affirmations Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I am constantly growing and improving. Sincerely, yourself. 223. 36. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 130. 152. 35. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Funny Affirmations - Etsy I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. It's OK to take a break. With a cowculator. Theres no stopping me now. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I try to see the funny side of every situation. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. I see food, and I eat it. 73. 160. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 250. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. My chins are a stairway to heaven. I can create positive change in the world. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. My mind is becoming much sharper. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops.
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