There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A 8 Things To Think About If Your Ex Girlfriend is Pregnant I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. But really, no one knows his true reaction. The kid isnt a rapist, the mother is. I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats He didnt expect that to happen. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? What a laugh. 1. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. Do something to not have one! And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. She didnt sneak up in the dark of the night and steal his seed and turkey baste herself, Chuck. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. I understand that there are many times when adoption is the best choice. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. Cookie Notice I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. This guy isnt worth anyones time. Nothing more, nothing less. SpaceySteph It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! People in healthy relationships dont say that. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Id confirm that shes actually pregnant lets_be_honest This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. But then Id be haunted with the thought that I could have frozen BETTER sperm than the sperm I froze before tying the tubes and will always wonder if my children could have been better. lets_be_honest Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. AndreaMarie 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. LW: When I started reading this letter I was prepared to tell you to MOA, but by the end I decided that you and your boyfriend sound like equally shitty people! He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. And before we launch into a discussion of how terrible abortion is, in this case (the LW) were talking about one that is very early on. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. rainbow April 9, 2012, 9:30 pm. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy. Move on. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Aim for the face. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. Not exactly. Life is unfair. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. SpaceySteph Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. Dump this creep. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). Exactly where is there a grown-up here? Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. My boyfriend got a girl pregnant during a breakup. What should - Quora Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. LADIES he could stand her. . Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. Termination of Parental rights does NOT absolve you from paying Child Support in the United States of America. bittergaymark female We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. SpaceySteph Will He Regret Losing Me? 14 Guys Share Their Breakup Regrets - Elite Daily just my opinion. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Imagine the following scenarios. That child has done nothing wrong and doesnt deserve to be thrown in the middle of these grown-up problems. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. SpaceySteph Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? LW- your boyfriend is scum. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. And yet men still keep having sex with us. There is no child at conception very good. Bless your heart. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. Sex makes babies and every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby. I must respectfully disagree with you. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. He wants nothing to do with his own child. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. 2. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. I Broke Up With My Boyfriend But Question My Decision I hate a society that even makes this an issue. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Move on already, LW. Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. SpaceySteph LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Share your opinions and thoughts below! I dont see why this issue is any different. Thats what youre always nattering about. Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? Again, no. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). How fast his new relationship is moving. I dont know what to think or believe. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. bittergaymark Crazy likes crazy. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend.