As am i. I hope that doesn't matter here. What do you do when your favorite confidants have left you alone in this world? Or said. Alex Murdaugh' s younger brother took the stand on Monday, tearfully describing how he cleaned the gruesome crime scene the morning after his sister-in-law and nephew were murdered in June 2021 . I rather want to be alone in a room than spending time with my family and friends. Me too. i am a newlywed with an amazing wife, friends, and job. I listen to his last songs sometimes, look at his pictures, and I know I have to be okay with everything about this situation. There was someone going to their hospital to get his kidneys. If you had been there when she needed you, she wouldnt have turned to this.. I had recentlylearned that my best friend had just hung herself. He was 27 years old. I lost my brother 8-12-2020. julie dlouhy September 9, 2016 at 7:30 pm Reply. (To be clear, I have no judgments of others who choose not to share this information about their loved ones death, and I know there are lots of good reasons why people are not comfortable sharing something so personal.) She had the phone set so that we could see each other. He passed away November 23rd, 2018, a week after he had been disconnected. And let me add that the girl he had a crush on was the most special of all of them. I miss him so much, its like he took the rest of my life with him. he jumped in front of a train. As the story goes for everyone who suffers and lives through it. Please dont feel pressured by my thoughts; but dont guess that the family doesnt want to hear from you. If in reality X someone kills himself then his consciousness jumps to the body he has in reality Y. I have no thoughts of suicide myself, but I do wonder how much longer I will survive with a shattered heart. Remember: The choice was not yours. He felt as if everything that ever mattered was slipping away from him and his mental disease convinced him it was. Gave me a hard time with every girl I dated bc it took time away from Him Would eat my food when we had an apartment together. I didn't really think anything of it. We took her to her doctor. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. He said that he wanted to die but we never imagined in our dreams that this will actually happen. But sometimes I just feel that I am not responsible for others feelings and I am carrying a terrible live. Nothing could have been further from the actual truth. my twin 48 year old brother died on tuesday 10 sept 2013- he killed himself by hanging. I feel like Im constantly looking over my shoulder as to whats next and Im tired of going to funerals. My brother hung himself 2 years ago at age of 30 after developing skitzophrenea. This grief, this pain, this confusion, all of it is going to have its place. I miss him so much, I can relate with you 100% if you ever need someone to talk to plz feel free to email me at jackboy918@yahoo.com, My 23 year old elder sister whom I loved the most in my life killed herself by suicide one month ago She was kind, loving, helpful, used to think about others happiness before her and was the best person in my life Life is just so hard after her for me and my whole familyI m just 19 but feel like ending my life too because that incident changed my life 360 degree I m depressed, guilty and all alone I feel I will never be happy in my life again and life has no meaning for me still for my family I wont do anything like this because they wont be able to take another shock The thing which hurts me the most is that to some extent I knew she was not ok due to her breakup and small family fights I tried to make her understand but it was not enough I should have understood her in better way She told no one in family but me and my cousin She used to say to me that I dont know if after your birthday I would be there or not but I didnt take it seriously and thought she is joking to tease me because she was so mature and so caring I thought she is elder than me and knows better this is not right and she killed her in the same month.. we all need to come together and support one another in hard times like these. OMG, I just watched the 60 Minutes segment about brain injury to soldiers who have experienced an explosion. The only sliver of information you have is the texts that you sent to him, so it makes sense that your brain is weighting them as especially significant. I guess this is the after math of what suicide leaves behind. He had taken most of his antidepressants at once. We had gone to a baseball game together with a few other friends, had a great time, laughing and smiling together. but his friends told me after the funeral that the child was not his. I cant help but feel like it was my fault. Remember to take one moment or one day at a time. This event in my life has made me very closed off. My mom said he kept saying Tell me to hold on. I cant stop thinking about it. The loss of someone to suicide is so complicated and so misunderstood. Most know how doctors are. I still cant believe it and now I worry everyone in the family will do the same as they cant cope with the grief and the guilt. I never noticed it before, but people make a LOT of jokes about suicide (i.e., miming a gun tot he head, jokes about killing oneself, etc.). Hello, I am also able to relate to this post, my friend was talking to me over social media when he killed himself 16 months ago now. At first I was uncomfortable answering this question and used to tell half-truths about alcohol abuse and medication overdose, but now Im completely honest with every person that asks me, because I want to do my part to reduce the stigma of suicide. I am so lost because of the circumstances we cannot have memorial until July 7 ,2018. In it she talked openly about my fathers suicide and I am left confounded, and saddened again. My little sister killed herself 10 years ago, she was 20. The relief I thought I would feel has not yet come. My thoughts are with you. We dated for about 6 months, but he couldnt handle a stable relationship or stay committed to one girl (me). Thank you. Marlyn February 25, 2020 at 6:22 am Reply. The tragedy of it shattered my heart. It meant to much to me and continues to mean so much to me, to know that, at least twice a month (our group meets twice a month), I can be assured that I can be real with others who have walked a similar path. It just hurts so bad. May 17, 2016 at 10:36 pm Reply. After a suicide death, as with any other type of death, the bereaved may seek to make sense of what happened. He even told the cops what happened. Their website is http://www.taps.org and their phone number is 1-800-959-8277. I instantly took the No, that isnt true path. It has destroyed our entire family. Although I could have done more towards the end, I must forgive myself, as I did the best I could with the knowledge at hand, at that time. I dont think I will ever enjoy life again. Or so violent the investigation of the scene from detectives was being treated as homicide. My own life gets shorter each day, and I recognize this. So like you my pain is real but please be strong and keep moving forward . I cant stop thinking about him, 24 hours a day I miss him so much. She was 55. Friends went away, because they couldnt look at him, knowing they did nothing to help. My whole world caved in and I died with him that day as Ive never been the same ever since. Things like that. Why didnt she call me? Hey, Jae. I was 21 at the time and I was the one who found him. I lost my son to an overdose suicide last year, and while I knew he would eventually succumb to his depression, I was still shocked of course. My brother. We tried to get him help but he was already in a dark place. We put him in a sober home as a final resort where he was to address his self medicating and mental health issues. God this hurts so badly. We tried to convince him to get help but he always refused, he would not admit that he needed treatment. We cant see them but i know I feel him. I lost my closest brother 2 years ago to what was most likely suicide by cop. When a loved one kills themselves, the death is often experienced as traumatic. There is no pain like this, no loss like this. Id like to see an article about surviving being blamed for someone elses suicide. If you are reading this I hope you respond back. I am now closer than ever with my mom and sister, and have realized I only get one chance in life. we both thought and told each other that is what we were. He overdosed in October 2015 ( I did not know this until he had died in January) and it scared him enough to get into rehab, but he used again in January knowing full well that he could die. I, too, hope the police find the man who instigated her suicide. I lost my boyfriend and best friend to suicide six months ago. He always played with me for months but one day not knowingly was my last day seeing him and i was probably 5 or 6. My son died from depression related to bi-polar disorder on 9-4-2017. We were young and stupid, and broke up. I hope Gabriel can hear me, and that his mother and father go to justice, I love you, Gabe you will always be in my heart, you killing yourself has hurt me deeply, but now youe hopefully happy and in peace. He was 16 and I cant help but think that he had so much life to live. I know he wishes me love, as well. I am struck by the number of postings here. I know it will be hard, i'm crying just writing this post but idk. Its not pleasant to be honest, but it does help you to understand that you are not crazy nor are you alone. but recently he really did. It's not normal to copy siblings to the degree he did. The pain doesnt disappear, but your life has to go on. Funding cuts to mental health services have done a great disservice to those who seek help before the act. Both of my parents are psychologists, so they are taking it extra hard as they feel that they could've helped him more. My brother killed himself 1 year ago today. I remember all my friends in the years to follow always saying you are so strong. Two losses by suicide back to back. linda September 19, 2017 at 3:10 pm Reply. I have checked his phone several times, but he always deletes everything he gets or sends, some he shouldnt have. I will even give you my cell number. She seemed so happy and told nearly everyone she new how happy I made her. I listened to it, and promptly deleted it so I could never experience that horror again no matter what. 19 April was the worst day for my family too. I promise it gets better. You can do this. I walked straight into my sons room to see if he was awake and he looked like he was asleep, I went over to him because he wasnt covered up like he normally does. I know if I would have been with him at the time it would never had happened. The yard and house that held 20 years of amazing memories and love. I agreed! Tomorrow i am burying my brother john 58 years old who took his life by hanging .. hes been desprate for so many years and last straw was 2 months ago when mental health released him ..telling him there was nothing more they could do . I have no children around me to talk to, I was referring to other adults that I had/have to break the news to. I really do wish all of you take that same pain of losing someone and turning it into something beautiful. Award-winning novelist, Rhonda Frankhouser, comes from a world of sadness and blessings. Cassandra December 29, 2020 at 11:32 pm Reply, Family loves them because theyre family you loved him because you choose too and Im so sorry you had to find him I know no matter what people say you still have these guilty thoughts but love no one gives us a handbook on how to handle someone, Zane November 27, 2020 at 11:03 am Reply. I also cringe when I hear completed suicide. Finally at 25 years old we had to face that she was not able to work anymore. Have you read our posts that are specifically on grieving an overdose death? The man who murdered my brother post-9/11 just died. He insisted that I put our home in my name only, and he felt that I was the enemy he could not be trusted. September 28, 2018, 4:58 PM. That her addiction just made worse. This disease is hard for the one who carries it. I know why my daughter ended her life. she probaably neever thought of me but I always thought of her but didnt want to get too involvled and now she is dead. Give yourself permission to get professional help. If youre concerned, it never hurts to seek out a little support and psychoeducation from a therapist or counselor. Deborah Smith July 8, 2016 at 9:07 am Reply. My name is Gab and Im 34 years old and I am grieving the loss of my wife. Still numb and in shock but completely empathy for her choice. But suicide is so unnatural that wrapping your mind around it never happens. But, this is just so horrific, and the pain is so wrenching that its different, it just is. Were so close and the thought of her suffering because of my dying in that type of way keeps me alive. I am so sorry for your loss ): my dad did this a couple weeks ago and my 20 year old son and my little brother 25 found him the both did cpr on him its just a nightmare so many whys such pain ! My precious daughter took her life on July 7th 2019. I find it hard to talk to others about my pain because I feel like Im indulging in self pity and thats why Im here looking at the comments from others who have had the same experience. When I was ill, he became aware of my issues. Im still learning a lot from this. I deleted it without opening it and 3 weeks later he hung himself. There are days I wonder whether I am just another weight on the planet. Wishing you strength and good days to come. The hug.. it was a real hug, like she meant it.. literally the best hug I have ever felt.. We was very close. My dad wouldnt want to live that way. ? my Mom screamed. You were with me and I wish that you were still standing by my side, Gabe, I love you. They were 14-15 when he took his life. You may feel angry with the person, with the world, with God, with yourself. Stay stron, stay safe. I want give you my contact info some how if you ever need to reach out to anyone and have them listen. I spent years blaming myself, thinking if I had just said that or just done that it would have been different. Frankie I love you. I feel that my love was inadequate. Ive read various posts on here, and I know your pain. I miss her terribly all the time (and this TJs death is dredging up all kinds of stuff, which doesnt surprise me, either), but for someone I know, this guy that used to laugh at my stupid jokes and make us interested in what some folks might think is a boring subject (history)go through the trouble to HANG HIMSELF?? He jumped in front of a train. Wear out your questions, anger, guilt or other feelings until you can let them go. i dont discuss how his life ended with most people because even some of my closest friends feel the need to share their unsolicated opinion of suicide and frankly my dear . The obituary of course did not say how he died though so we were clueless. My brother's life had been unfinished, as he had been so capable of many things, and here he sat with an entire laptop full of information that had never been completed. I have so many whys so many things I need answers to. I would love to talk to you privately if youre up for it. Yet I wont let it break me. I think his mom might see me going out, having fun and enjoying life and think I am somehow disgracing his memory. Frank, I am so sorry for your losses. I just want to know why. So I definitely wont be making that mistake again and I will be learning from what he said to me. this post has helped me. My body and heart hurt so much that I can not find sleep. I have a beautiful wife now and am 26 years old but will never be able get this out of my head or the depression. Im the one who found her.. Im in hell! Please know that intrusive thoughts after a loss are completely normal and okay. He was an inspiration. He thought he was doing us a favor bc he didnt want to disappoint us anymore. I hurt for you and anyone else who has to go through this. We had plenty of great times, as we were together for 21 1/2 years, but unfortunately Im finding that the bad times are the ones that stick out most to me. Easy way out? She had told me 5 days before she was going to get help that she couldnt live like this anymore. I know it hurts that youre family is treating you like that, they obviously dont understand how it feels like to have depression and so they are afraid but reject you when you need them. Then I lost my dad in the same way. She also suffered from sexual abuse. Would love to hear from u and understand these kind of things. It seems to calm me. My brother committed suicide almost 29 years ago and I still think about and grieve his loss every day. Its been about a year and a half since it happened. Stability was maintained until puberty hitI cannot even remember all that happened it was so fastI was working to support everyone and every one had their own needs and everything went every which way.. Patricia, Im truly so sorry for your loss and for the pain you and your family are being forced to navigate. His laziness, and apathy, he didnt get along with my girlfriend/ wife/mother of my kids for years. Hugs to youits only natural to wonder and think about what if and if I only maybe you could get together with others he touched and do something in his name to carry on helping others?! Nothing. My grandaughters boyfriend shot himself while she was in the bathroom, horrible, that was a year ago, she is doing okay now but it has been a long haul. In reference to the other comments above, I use the phrase died by suicide most often. My granddaughter keeps me alive now. when I got to the top of the hill I could see all the cop cars in the driveway and didnt know what to think at that point but they pretty immediately showed me my nephew and that he was fine. The son I speak of hear died just 17 months after his older brother died of a self inflicted gunshot to the head. At first, the shock kept the pain away now I have days where the pain is so raw and I cant stop crying which is unusual as for years I have had no emotions due to other family traumas. Please reach out to someone for help. Fortunately I am becoming stronger and aware of my depression. He was 43. I started to shake him to wake up and he was so cold, I saw something on his mouth and I went to grab his head and I screamed wake up wake up and I moved my hand and there was his blood all over it. Im not a Dr, so I can only draw conclusion based on research and experience with Him. (1983). Your story was the only one i could find similar to mine. Please keep swimming, just like Dory says just keep swimming swimming swimming, Mike B. August 30, 2021 at 11:22 am Reply. One early morning, I got up from bed and couldnt find him . Carmentine October 20, 2021 at 5:57 pm Reply. Is it just in your local area? I lost my partner of 25 years to suicide in November 2014. Isabelle Siegel January 22, 2021 at 10:34 am Reply. It is really possible to get your loved one back using the jump. My son lived out of state. I am so sorry that you didnt receive a meaningful response to your original post. Im here. (I switched off). Jasmine April 21, 2019 at 3:11 pm Reply. All that should have brought us together,it was just the two of us now but it somehow made us both much worse mentally.We seemed to blame each other in some crazy way when it was not our fault at all. Youre strong for deciding to live your life finally, and dont let anyones judgment of that affect you. I blame her as she has no emotions due to his death. As I am finding out now that he was deep into meth addiction. It was just too hard for him. That if his best friends and his mom and his dad and family are all doing ok then I should be. Many people think I should have been able to move on by now, but for some reason I just cant. Brian January 12, 2020 at 12:57 am Reply. Bekah, Im so very sorry for your loss. my only son was one of those 41,149 he died by suicide 09/28/13 from depression and compounded by substance abuse i miss him, Im so sorry Rose. Bekah December 8, 2020 at 11:23 pm Reply. We had drinken that night and should not have been on the road. I am having such a hard time controlling my emotions lately. Seek them out and help yourself live a better life. Ive told my parents how I feel, like I indirectly coaxed my brother into suicide. For me, the most beneficial piece to my healing continues to be talking with others who have lost a loved one. Thank you! All I have are the memories to hold onto now. Yes it does hurt and it does stay with you, it changes everything about the person you once were.