Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? You mustve misheard me. In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. 137 of the Best Jokes for Kids. How is life like a penis? Con My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. On some occasions, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. Should You Be Rude to Comments Like These? So they don't peel. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. What did the big flower say to the little flower? They lift them up and slam them on the ground. A happy uncle. By the bark. If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . Its the people I tell them to who cant. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. Let's begin. Here's a list of 55 . 25. Cereal pleasure to meet you! A chipmunk. Because theyre used to eating nuts. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. Because every play has a cast. What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out? Check the 2nd part of "Funny, Stupid & Hilarious Jokes" . How do celebrities stay cool? If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? There was nothing left but de-Brie. Because you should never drink and derive. short for? Your responsibility is to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. A crane! You're not completely useless. Da brie was everywhere. Two peanuts were walking down the street. Things they would quickly admit are wrong to say, or that they shouldn't have said. What did the banana say to the vibrator? Spit, swallow, gargle. While theres no guaranteed way to come up with the perfect comeback at the moment, there are a few witty responses that will put the other person in their place. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" A Master Baiter. Why is England the wettest country? 2. What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk? This worked so well! If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. (Walk. Beef strokin off. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Whats long, hard and erects stuff? How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? The sheer awkwardness of the situation should set in eventually and the person will walk away. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? 37. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. Cookie Notice Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Bison. Why does bread take so long to digest? Right where you left it. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . Dont forget to bookmark these hilarious what do you call jokes for future laughs! Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. "Make me one with everything." 2. Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. Jokes for Kids 2022. What do you call a bear without any teeth? Article continues below advertisement. Manage Settings Thats why Ive put together this list of 32+ witty comebacks for who asked and did I ask. I hope they help you the next time someone asks you this question! Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. What do a guy and a car have in common? Read next: 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Otherwise, close the page now. We have more jokes for you, click on big red button below. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. How is sex like a game of bridge? Why couldn't the knife go back in the drawer? Now do you get it? Watch this video to find out the punchline and ad. Strong people dont put others down. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Youre probably dumb. And funny in a way that like, opens your mind up even," says comedian Sean Patton. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" Jokes for Kids 2022 | Beano.com. When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Stickers 5 Results Buy any 4 and get 25% off. Think Im sarcastic? Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? He didn't have the guts to ask anyone. 10 Best Funny Riddles. It needed help figuring out its problems. Dinner's on me. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. 2. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Confused by some of these clever jokes? Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. Oinkment. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. Example of When did I ask? What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? My Dad had a firm grip on my shoulders. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Get out of here! shouts the bartender. No, but you need all the help you can get. Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. Sucka dick and let me in. It is hard to know what response to go with, clever or funny. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Your Mom. If you see me laughing, its because I already have. 27. Be careful to whom you send these. No? In any case, a witty comeback will put the other person in their place and let them know that youre not going to take their crap. 1. Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). However, its not always rude. Why did the candle quit his job? You dont have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. By Sergios Rotar Funny can be good: Heres a bunch of punny jokes we found online that we liked. I dont think so. Waiter! If you dont believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. Whats red and moves up and down? This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. On February 4th, 2011, Neogaf user Kinyou [4] made a post in which they wrote that they could not get the line "I never asked for this" out of their head. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up. Every 'Who asked' copypasta. Elementree school. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. I decided to compile a list of comebacks for who asked, did I ask, and nobody asked or cares because its getting ridiculous out there. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. A lip reader. Everyone loves a good crowd-pleaserthat's why we call them that! Whats the difference between your job and a dead hooker? "You wait here, I'll go on ahead.". Because they use a honeycomb. So youre the only one? He worked it out with a pencil. That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. The other cow says, "Why would I care? The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); Original don't care + didn't ask. A fun answer is to answer a completely different question to confuse the other person. The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!". A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. We've even broken things down by category so that you know which jokes will land best among your audience. What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? Is it in?. READ THIS NEXT: 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Someones always willing to blow your bonus. But if you're a math teacher or a parent trying to help your kids (keyword: trying) with their math homework, you know a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered. Her navel. Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? In his sleevies. Oh look! What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? 42. A meltdown. Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Never mind, it's over your head. We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. The bartender says, "Why the long face?". I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay; she said she didnt have time. I decided to start smoking only after sex. person one: I went out to dinner with my family . Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. 10 1 More answers below Mason Chen Just a random teenager 4 y Related But we both know that's not why you're here So, another option is to fire back with your own insult. Me: *to the person I was talking to* Explanation: The worlds population is split sort of evenly between men and women, making the average human part male, part female, and a complete pain to shop for. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? Earbuds. * You don't want my opinion? A four-chin teller. So whether youre dealing with a hater or just somebody whos generally uninterested, here are 14+ clean comebacks for who cares and nobody cares., Read next: 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation. If at first you dont succeed, stop trying already. You cared enough to dismiss it; that counts. Approximately one GB. Some might even make your eyes roll. "Close the door, I'm dressing!". Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? King Henry the Second who? I wonder how many people are in that field. 4. 34. Because they're always stuffed. What did the penis say to the vagina? Dont make me come in there! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Why0is it that everything youlove is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders againstyou? Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? How did you quit smoking? Because he had a great fall. Explanation: No joke has a double meaning here. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love. 10. I'll meet you at the corner. By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Why do bees have sticky hair? Watch me pretend to care. We recommend our users to update the browser. (Its three.). You can negotiate with a terrorist. Why did the pony have to gargle? Easter Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards. Well. Got a PS5 for my little brother. ThanksI'll never part with it. What did one pencil say to the other pencil? These classic What did? How do celebrities stay cool? It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. You don't have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". A 6.9 is a good thing screwed up by a period. Whos there? What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? What Is My Angel Number? Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Because they cantaloupe. I don't think you should be happy. Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. Why don't chickens play baseball? Explanation: Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it. You just have to listen varicosely. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Last Updated: June 16th 2022. Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person? What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. A pork chop. But when played all at once, they form a C-minor chord. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Even thoughts can raise them. A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. Tell me what you need, and Ill tell you how to get along without it since youre not that bright. He kept leaving little messages around the house. "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Its the same as a French kiss, but down under. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. Explanation: Say it to the opening of Beethovens Fifth Symphony, and youll get the joke. We all want to have one of those cool moments where you say something really funny or clever in response to the very rude question did I ask you?. Because every play has a cast. 9. All Rights Reserved. A slipper. Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". He forgot to wrap his Whopper. Now that youve cackled your way through these clever jokes, get your little ones in on the fun with these short jokes for kids. A gummy bear. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. Its the sound of you not talkingfor once. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. Traffic jam. Knock-Knock Jokes. Just another reason to moan, really. Do you want to hear a construction joke? If you find yourself on the receiving end of a "your mom" joke, one option is to laugh it off. What's a foot long and slippery? 4. 4. Best trade I've ever done! Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. . But there are ways to counter it. It shut all my friends up! Whats the difference between the G-spot and a golf ball? The photon says, No, Im traveling light.. 20. 11. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. On June 23rd, 2011, Neogaf [6] user NIN90 . What did one Christmas tree decoration say to the other? Why was six afraid of seven? Then why are you still talking? Why is history like a fruit cake? A submarine. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? From super-simple toddler and kindergarten jokes to riddles for older kids, here are 50 funny, easy jokes for kids. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. What do you call a pudgy psychic? Knock knock. What did the rock drummer call his twin daughters? You spread its little legs. They've kept in touch after all these years. I didnt ask you for a response and yet you gave one. Jokes to Test Your Brain! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. All day thought-provoking questions Funny coffee jokes, check out the funniest Reader s! No? GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. I don't know, and I don't care. Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. Whos There? Between you and me, something smells. Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me. []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. Apple Jokes. Its a win-win! I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. 33. (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). If you're here, who's running hell? A bear walks into a restaurant. This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. What did the little tree say to the big tree? Two guys walk into a bar. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Anticipation is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions place to ask and answer thought-provoking.. Me a joke if you simply ask it to -- just say `` alexa tell. just ask them why they are so insecure about things. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. Please tell me this train of thought youre on has a caboose. Whats long and hard and full of semen? It is usually said in response to someone offering an un-asked-for opinion or to someone who interjected into a conversation they were not a part of. Two girlfriends are hanging out when one spills coffee on her shirt. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #whendidiask, #whendidweask . Why don't sharks eat clowns? If at first you dont succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling. Ate something. Explanation: A hyperbole is an exaggerated claimkinda like this joke. He ate the pizza before it was cool. 11. Sharing is caring! Its important to remember that not everyone wants to engage in constructive dialogue, and sometimes the best course of action is to ignore the comment and move on. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 14. .css-g0owdm{display:block;font-family:Memphis,Georgia,Times,Serif;font-weight:normal;margin-bottom:0.625rem;margin-top:0;-webkit-text-decoration:none;text-decoration:none;}@media (any-hover: hover){.css-g0owdm:hover{color:link-hover;}}@media(max-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 40.625rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.125rem;line-height:1.2;}}@media(min-width: 61.25rem){.css-g0owdm{font-size:1.25rem;line-height:1.2;}}Tom Selleck Reunites with Former Co-Star, 21 Shows to Watch If You Like Yellowstone, 'WoF' Fans Say This Is the Biggest Choke on Show, St. Patricks Day Trivia Questions and Answers, Adam Sandler's Wife Jackie Shuts Down Red Carpet, The Reason Hoda Kotb Hasnt Been on the Today Show, Kelsea Ballerini Fans Lose It Amid Career News, The True History Behind St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day Movies to Feel Extra Lucky. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Looking for some laughs today? So read on for some of the funniest two-line jokes and quick quips around, and don't forget to pass them on to your equally immature friends. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. What did one Christmas tree say to another? "Are you gay?". 49. Someone complimented my parking today! Since 2017, over 500 new Campers have joined us across our three groups - Customer, Org, and Product - and we thought we'd share the laughter with you. A deodor-ant. This is another funny response that will make the question asker seem much dumber than they already do. Because they're boy-ant. Whenever someone has a health problem or feels like" Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband: The speed limit of sex is 68, because at 69 you have to turn around. The box a penis comes in. Did you fall from heaven? By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. What do you call two witches who live together? Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear brightuntil they open their mouths. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. This joke makes light of changing churches. The bear shrugged. Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. "Go to [site name]" "Open [site name]" Search in your apps or websites. You wait here. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. Spoiled milk. Watch popular content from the following creators: jordan(@jjnthatsspam), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), jamal(@jamallxoxo) . 2. Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! We dont serve your type.. The man. Or it is asked to someone who just said something that doesnt help whatever point the question asker was trying to make.
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